Use this resource when preparing to visit the classroom, or if you would like to learn more in general about language and practices you can use with your child.

Montessori Work Cycle Basics

Montessori classrooms are so unique and wonderful! There are some basics you will want to become familiar with as you witness the work cycle take place. You are a guide, so your role will be different than what you may be used to. Read more about the Montessori work cycle here.

Saying Good Job

Everyone means well when they say good job, but you may not be accomplishing the goal you had in mind when you say it. I’d like to share a dialog from one of my favorite books that sheds a little light on why we avoid praise and/or rebuke. Here is the excerpt:

The following is a distillation of one of Adler’s core teachings, taking the form of an imagined narrative dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.

Philosopher: Generally speaking, people tend to view the act of leadership as a choice between two approaches: to lead by rebuke, or to lead by praise. This dichotomy gets applied to all sorts of leadership situations, from training a junior employee to child-rearing. So, which do you think is the better choice: to rebuke or to praise?

Youth: In child-rearing, certainly praise.

Philosopher: Why?

Youth: Take animal training, for example. When teaching animals to do tricks, you can make them obey with a whip. This is the typical “raising by rebuke” way. On the other hand, it’s also possible to get animals to learn tricks by holding up rewards of food or saying kind words. This is “raising by praise.”

Both ways can lead to the same results — they learn new tricks. But the motivation for moving toward the objective is completely different if the animal is doing it because it will be rebuked or doing it because it wants to be praised. Rebuke only makes the animal wither. But raising with praise naturally allows it to grow strong and healthy, and comes with a feeling of joy. This seems like an obvious conclusion.

Philosopher: You make a compelling case. But I must beg to disagree. In Adlerian psychology, we take the stance that in child-rearing, and in all other forms of communication with other people, one must not praise.

Physical punishment is out of the question, of course, and rebuking is not accepted, either. One must not praise, and one must not rebuke.

Youth: But how is that even possible?

Philosopher: Suppose I praised a statement you made by saying, “Good job!” Wouldn’t hearing those words seem strange somehow?

Youth: Yes, I’d probably feel annoyed. I’d feel you were talking down to me.

Philosopher: Exactly. In the act of praise, there is the aspect of it being “the passing of judgment by a person of ability on a person of no ability.” A mother praises her child who has helped her prepare dinner, saying, “You’re such a good helper!” But when her husband does the same things, you can be sure she won’t be telling him, “You’re such a good helper!”

Youth: Ha, yes, I see what you mean.

Philosopher: In other words, the mother who praises the child by saying things like “You’re such a good helper!” or “Good job!” or “Well, aren’t you something!” is unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the child as beneath her. The example of animal training that you just gave is also emblematic of the hierarchical relationship — the vertical relationship, Adler calls it — that is behind the praising. When one person praises another, the goal is to manipulate someone who has less ability than you. It is not done out of gratitude or respect.

Youth: So you’re saying that one praises in order to manipulate?

Philosopher: That’s right. Whether we praise or rebuke others, the only difference is one of the carrot or the stick. The reason Adlerian psychology is highly critical of reward-and-punishment education is that its intention is to manipulate children.

Youth: No way, you’re wrong there. Think of it from the standpoint of the child. For children, isn’t being praised by their parents the greatest joy of all? It’s because they want praise that they do their studies. It’s because they want praise that they learn to behave properly.

And even after becoming an adult, it’s been the same way. When your boss praises you, it feels good. That’s how it is for everyone. This has nothing to do with reason — it’s just instinctual emotion!

Philosopher: It is because you are living in vertical relationships that you want to be praised. Adlerian psychology refutes all manner of vertical relationships and proposes that all interpersonal relationships be horizontal relationships. In these relationships, people are equal, but not the same.

Let’s take another example: a wife who doesn’t work outside the home, and a husband who does. There are men in this arrangement who verbally abuse their wives, who do all the housework, with such remarks as “You’re not bringing in any money, so I don’t want to hear it” or “It’s thanks to me that there’s food on the table.” And I’m sure you’ve heard this one before: “You have everything you need, so what are you complaining about?” Such statements of economic superiority or the like have no connection whatsoever to human worth. A company employee and a full-time housewife simply have different workplaces and roles, and are truly “equal but not the same.”

Youth: I agree entirely.

Philosopher: In this example, the man making these statements probably sees all interpersonal relations as vertical relationships, and they are afraid of being seen by women as beneath them. That is to say, they have intense, hidden feelings of inferiority.

Youth: So in a sense, they are getting into a superiority complex in which they are trying to make a show of their abilities?

Philosopher: So it seems. The feeling of inferiority is an awareness that arises within vertical relationships. If one can build horizontal relationships that are “equal but not the same,” there will no longer be any room for inferiority complexes to emerge.

This is true of all relationships, with all people. Don’t rebuke. Don’t praise. Assist, and encourage.

Redirection

Redirection is a classroom management technique that helps one to avoid saying “no”. When you see a child has a need, but it may not be ideal in that moment, use redirection to still meet the child’s need but be more mindful of the space. Redirection is well summarized with great examples on this website.

Sharing

In the Montessori classroom, sharing can be supported but is not required. Read more about this topic here.

Discipline

Discipline has been well summarized in this video. I recommend watching part 1 and 2.

Saying Be Careful

Again, while one may mean well when saying “Be Careful”, there are better ways to convey your point. We encourage children to participate in risky play, but we also want to foster self-awareness and risk assessment. Read some alternatives to saying “Be Careful” here.